The Liberty Blog

March 9 2008

Well my time is almost up here. I am gonna miss this place. I have been in a good spot for quite sometime now, and think I am prepared to set out to the real world. It is a challenge that I am ready to face right now. I am gonna get plugged into meetings right away. I love everyone here and hope the best for them. I still got a couple days left so it is not goodbye just yet. My buddy Tony left today and I wish him nothing but the best. Well that’s about it for today so peace out till next time yall!

March 10 2008

I dropped my 4^th and 5^th step yesterday and there is a great deal of relief that cam with that. I did not think I would get much out of it, but I did. Seems like everything I have questioned about the program haas not turned out in my favor. But I am happy about that. In this case I am glad to be proven wrong. This place has saved my life and I am greatful of that. I am trying to soak in all I can the last couple days here so I can have all the tools I can carry. Well that is it for today. Peace out till next time yall!!!

March 8, 2008

            Hey it is Luke again and I have had a good day today. My best friend in this program is leaving tomorrow. I had never thought that I could have ever had a friend like this. He lives in Indiana and I live in Kentucky so that is not to far away. So we have made plans to meet up after I get out of this house and we will go to some meetings and just hang out. So that is about all that I have. See you later.

March 9, 2008

            Hey there it is Luke again. Today has been a good day. I dropped my fourth step today. Also my fifth step. Working on my sixth step and soon I will be on my seventh step. I am leaving on Wednesday and I am kind of nervous so I need to stay in the program and I also need to keep working the steps so that I do not go on with life as a scumbag. So that is all that I have to say. So good bye.

March 10, 2008

            Hey it is Luke and I am having a good day today. I have just completed my exit plan. An exit plan is something that you live by when you get out of the liberty ranch. So I have all of the tools necessary to apply them to the real world. So in that manner I am out of here. Later.

March 11, 2008

            Hey it is me again and tonight is my last night here at the liberty ranch I am nervous about leaving. I have acquired many new friends while in my journey of sobriety. I am very grateful for this program. So I guess that I will talk to you later. Bye bye.

6 Mar 08:  Today was a real good day for me.  I still have a little sister but she now has to write her own words. She was also put on the buddy system.  I still look out for her and

I still have to show her around.  She is getting better each day.  I got a lot of feedback at group tonight.  I am afraid of what will happen at group Saturday with my brother Jimmy.  But I am really looking forward to them coming.  I have not seen anyone since around Thanksgiving.  I have had a lot of help from others in the house and I am really grateful that they helped me.

9 Mar 08:  This weekend my mother and youngest brother Jimmy came out to visit.  It was the roughest weekend I have had in a long time.  My brother had shit to say and it was not pretty.  In fact it was pretty brutal.  But I lived through it and I have been made stronger.  A lot of growth happened this weekend.  I wish it had not but the fact is I needed to hear what he had to say.

10 Mar 08:  Today was a good day I am still getting over the wreck that was this past weekend.  I am glad that my brother got to get some shit off his chest.  I hope that he attends ALNON meeting and starts to work the steps.  It was good to see Mom and get to spend some time with her.  I hope that soon I will be able to visit her at her house.

11 Mar 08:  I have been talking with my sponsor about this weekend.  I am starting to miss them but I know that I need to be here to get well.  I am still processing the events of this weekend and it may take some time to get my head around them.  But overall I am in good spirits.

12 Mar 08:  Today I was put on a program called the buddy system with Bear.  I know that this program is for my own good but I really can not see the expected results and that drives me crazy.  But I have to do what I have to do.

13 Mar 08:  Today went well we worked at the Diner for extra credits and I enjoyed getting out of the house for a while.  I am really tired and can not wait to go to bed.  I have learned that I can write 1,000 words in 20 minutes.  I have done it twice so far.  I hope we do not have to do it tomorrow.

14 Mar 08:  Bear and I have been working together just fine.  Erin laughs at us and calls us cute together.  I had time to shower and do my clothes.  They were all dirty from the weekend.  Diane made us play a game of pool together.  I think I see were she is going but I do not want to assume anything because when you think you know what is going on it turns out to be something different.  So we will just wait and see how things work out.

15 Mar 08:  It is late and I will not be typing for very long.  It is 2:15 in the morning and I have had a long day.  Today we went to Lexington and picked up a new guy from the Ridge.  Of course there was chaos and confusion and it was a pain in the ass.  But we got the job done.  Then this evening we went to the movies and saw 10,000 BC it was pretty good and I got another chance to relax just like last night playing pool with my buddy Bear.

16 Mar 08:  Today was a good day Bear and I got done all the things we had to do and still had time to enjoy a few things.  It is hard for me to unwind but we watched a movie and played a game of pool and played guitar. So the day was a smashing success I hope the rest of the time we are on the buddy system goes as well.

17 Mar 08:  This day has been going great.  Bear and I have not got any strikes so far and the rest of the day is looking good!  We are supposed to go to an NA meeting later tonight.  Tomorrow we are going to a meeting where a 41 year coin is going to be given.  Yesterday we saw Diane get her 23 year coin.  This area has a lot of sobriety.

3/9/08

Bear.

Hello there and welcome. My name is bear and I am an alcoholic. I have not bloged in a good few days. I have really been quite busy having the work coordinator chore for a little over a week. I have been stressing out really bad. Directly related to my major character defect of procrastination. It is like I put things off and then before I meet the deadline I have to do it all like right then. And then I am just running around just freaking out.  This has been a very stressful long past 4 hours. But I got everything done. Well actually I take that back. I still have shit I need to do tonight but I am no longer at the point of freaking out. Yeah, it is midnight. And I still have shit I need to do. I am going to write an essay or two before I go to bed as well, just so that I will not have to write so much tomorrow. Oh, and did I mention my 3^rd ipod that I have ever owned died? Yeah dude. That sucks bad. I am royaly pissed. No more cannibal corpse or cephalic carnage for me for a good little while. Yeah. But that is where I am at. Good night. Hails!

\m/(>_<)\m/           

3/10/08

Bear

Hello there and welcome again. My name is bear and I am an alcoholic. I am really pretty fucking stressed out. I have been sliding on w.c. and it is like a snowball effect with stress. Oh man. Its too much pressure man. I am really tired. Yeah It is almost midnight. Yeah, I am a midnight bloger. But yeah, despite how rough chores have been and all my overall well being is magnificent! It is also wonderful. That is all. Good night.

\m/(>_<)\m/

3/13

hey yo yo. My name is bear, BEAR! I aint got no hair, HAIR! So check me out. Haha. I am just fucking around. Man. But yeah dude shit has been going a whole lot smother. Man I am on the buddy system with bill. I too like bill also learned that I can write 1 thousand words in 20 minutes. So yeah dude. It is still rough, but I am not running around freaking out like I normally do. So yeah dude, man dude like totally that is cool dude. I am tired. I am people to bead

\m/(>_<)\m/

3/14/08

hello there. My name is bear and I am an alcoholic. I am really doing pretty good. Me and bill are getting along really great. But what sucks is we got to do each other’s chores. So he is also like assistant w.c. and we are having a little fun with it too. We are like the guys from super troopers. We are seeing how many times we can say meow before the person we are checking off notices it. We got Ashleigh about 10 times before she said anything. Its cool man. That is all I got.

\m/(>_<)\m/

3/15/08

hello there. My name is bear. Oh man, I am not even going to play around man, real talk. I am going to bed. It has been a long day. A very long day. Man and I am like just totally like about to freak out man. It was cool getting out of the house and going to Lexington though. I really did think that was really pretty cool right there. But yeah dude, no freakin joke. I am going to bed.

3/16/08

hello and welcome my name is bear and I am an alcoholic. I have really had a really successful day. I had a whole lot of shit to do and I got it all done. The day has been a success. I have found out that the new guy has a mutual interest for death metal and bill has a mutual interest in theoretical physics. I do not know how we got into the discussion but I had a profound talk with him. I still did not understand the concept of light as a particle as well as energy. But bill broke it down to me in a way I understood. This buddy system thing is going really very good. And I have had a good day. I am going to bed. That is all I got.

Mar.8

Today has been a good. We had a guy graduate today. Which is really cool to see cause we do not see that to much around here that is all I got today.

Mar.9

What is up had a good day. We had a guy leave today and go back home. Which is good to see someone do the deal and get er done. I did not do to much today I just sat around and watched movies and watched the race today and went to the meeting we had at the ranch today.

Mar.10

What is up had a ok day today. We went through are normal shit today. We have are classes we go to ever Mon.Wed.Fri. those went good today. I have one essay to do it is only a 300 words. I really do not have to much to write about so this will be it.

Mar.11

Hay what is up. We had group tonight and it was are long group of the week. We  have a 3 hour group every Tuesday and Thursday night. Which is were we get down into what is really going on with us. This is something really different from the other places I have been we never really got into are problems at other places. That is a good thing here we do that shit. It makes for a long night sometimes, but it is worth it.

Mar.12

Today was ok I mean it was different because we had another guy leave the ranch. We have been having a lot of guys leaving the ranch as of late. I am glad to see people leave the ranch, but it is sad to see friends leave because you get know people really good and then you see them go and it is scary to see them go because of all the shit that is out there. It is hard on the outside because the shit is every where.

Mar.13

Today has been a good day. I have five months clean and sober. Which is really cool because it has been some time since I have had that long. I am going to go dinner with my sponsor which will be cool so I can do some step work and get going with that shit. That is something that I need to do so I can stay clean and sober. That is all I got today.

Mar.14

Today was not too bad I got to go out with my sponsor. We did some step work which was cool. I have to go up to Lexinton to pick up a new guy. That will be cool to get out for a little bit of time. That is all I got.

Mar.15

Hay what is up. Went up to Lexington today to pick up a new guy and brought him back to the Ranch. Then we went to a meeting tonight and it was a good one. After the meeting we went out to the movies and saw 10,000 B.C. which was pretty cool. That is the cool thing here they let us go out and do things on the weekend like go to the movies or something else if we want. That is all I got tonight.

Mar.16

Today was a laid back day really did not do shit today. I just sat around and watched T.V. I got to watch the Nascar race, but I missed the end of the race. We had a meeting at the ranch tonight it was a camp fire meeting that was cool and that is all I got today.

2/20/2008

            My name is Tony I am an addict and an alcoholic. I am from Indiana. I came to the Liberty Ranch because I could not stop using. It did not matter what happen to me I could not stop. I went to jail a couple of times that did not faze me. I could not pay my bills that did not faze me. No matter what happen I had to have that fix. I would go on week long binges and would have frequent black outs. I would wake up in strange places and would have done stuff that I do not remember doing. My girl friend even video taped me in a black out just so I could see how ridiculous I would act. I would smoke crack for days then I would binge drink to come down. That is pretty much what brought me to the Liberty Ranch I could not handle it anymore. I was out of control. I could not stop and I was powerless over my addiction and my life had become unmanageable. The Liberty Ranch has saved my life and I am grateful for this place.

2/21/2008

            A buddy of mine is leaving tomorrow. He is a good person and I will miss him very much. He has helped me out a lot. And he has helped me grow in my recovery. It will be sad to watch him go but I wish him the best of luck and I will pray for him. I hope we can keep in touch. Other than that I had a pretty good day today.

2/22/2008

            I feel pretty good today we went to Lexington to drop off someone that is leaving it was sad to see him go but he had some things he had to work out at home. We made a day out of it though we went out to eat at a buffet then we went to an arcade for a couple of hours. Then we went to best buy and I got a CD. And when we got back from Lexington we had the rest of the day to do what ever we wanted so I went up stairs and watched a movie. And after that I went and worked out some then I am going to go to bed.

2/23/2008

            I feel pretty good today I am going on a 24 hour pass. That is one advantage of The Liberty Ranch. See ya.

2/24/2008

            I am having a great day today. I got back from pass and hung out with my mom and sister for a little while. Then my sponsor came over and I worked on my 4^th step for a couple hours with him I learned that a lot of my resentments are because of how inconsiderate, selfish, and self-centered I was. And that I have more resentment against the ones that I love the most. So I guess that is true that we hurt the ones that we are closest to. But I am ready to right my wrongs and move on with my life and have a productive life and a positive out look on my life. I am grateful for The Liberty Ranch this place has saved my life and gave me another shot at life.

2/25/2008

            I am kind of tired today I stayed up late to work on my 4^th step I almost have it done. I am on the sex part of it and I am not really ready to do the sex part of it. I do not know what else to talk about I do not have too many issues at the moment I am pretty content.

2/26/2008

            I am doing good today. I talked to my sponsor at the meeting and he told me that we would get together on Sunday so I can drop my 5^th step I am excited to do my 5^th step so I can get on with it. Yeah because my 4^th step was hell I am glad that is over with. I am excited to share my 5^th step so I can feel some relief from that because I dug up a lot of shit that I really did not want to deal with. But other than that I feel pretty good today earlier I had a case of the fuck its I was just tired of doing all the shit that comes along with recovery and the Liberty Ranch but I feel a lot better now. I guess that is normal after being here so long and I am glad I got over it.

2/27/2008

            Today I feel ok. I am kind of tired. But I wrote my two essays that added up to be eight hundred words. I did my chore which was the smoking room and I got a 1 on it that means that everything was done perfect on it. I am looking forward to the NA meeting tonight it is here and it is done at 8:00 then we have the rest of the night off. And I am

really looking forward to that.

2/28/2008

            Well I am pretty pissed off today I was suppose to go to Lexington to go pick up a new resident from the air port and got fucked over on that deal. I woke up a hour early I took my name off the breakfast list and then did not even get to go so I woke up a hour early and did not eat breakfast for no fucking reason so yeah I am pretty pissed off about that and I am glad that I am leaving next Sunday this place is way to fucking stressful for me. I will be glad to get home.

2/29/2008

            I feel a lot better today than I did yesterday especially after dinner I was so mad my blood was boiling. But I got to go pick up a new resident today and I got to get out of the house for like five hours and that was nice to have a break from everything that goes on here to just drive and listen to music it was nice. And we get to go to a meeting later on tonight so I am only going to be here at the Liberty Ranch for a couple of hours today and I think that is just what I needed was to just get out for a little while it felt good and I came back in a better spot than I was in when I left so that is also good. But other than that I do not have anything else to say today.

3/1/2008

            I am going on pass with my sponsor and I am happy about that I get to do any finishing details on my 4^th step and then I get to drop my 5^th step so I am pretty excited about that. I get to get out of the house almost all day today so I am real happy about that. And we are all going over my sponsor’s house tonight to watch the UFC fights so I am excited about that. So I am having a pretty good day today and that is all I have to talk about today.

3/2/2008

            Well it is Sunday and I am going with my sponsor again today. Sunday is a free day and I want to get to my 8^th step before I leave so I can have a list of amends when I get back to Indiana. If I get to my 8^th step here I will have a real solid foundation to go with when I get back to Indiana. So I think that is all I have to say I need to g and call my sponsor to see when he is going to come pick me up.

3/3/2008

            I feel Ok today we had two people relapse in the house that kind of sucked. But I did not like one of them anyways so I am kind of glad that she is gone. It just sucks that they had to leave in that way. But other than that I feel pretty good today.

3/4/2008

            I feel good today I am kind of tired because of all the groups that we have had in the last two days. But I am excited to get on to my 8^th step and I am excited to do my exit plan. I only have five days left at the Ranch. And I am getting kind of nervous but I think that I am ready. I think that is all I have to say today.

2-20-08

Hello my name is Ryan parker and I am an addict.  And I am from Russellville, Kentucky.  My life has been a roller coaster the past seven years. I joined the army in 2001 and got thrown straight into combat. I did a 5 month tour in Afghanistan followed by a 13 month tour in Iraq where there I was injured in a land mine explosion. After I left the service I went to work out in the real world where I ran into what almost became the end of me, drugs! My first experiences with drugs lead to good times and wild parties. But the more I did them the more I loved them. And before I knew it my world evolved around them. It went from a good time party thing to something I had to have. I did drugs for a while and all it did was get worse. I did many kinds of drugs that almost made my world come crashing down. I got to the point where I hated doing drugs, but did them anyway because I had to have them. Finally it came to a point where I hit my knees and pleaded with God to show me the path for help. And he answered my prayer. He gave me the strength to do something I should have done a lot sooner.  The strength to admit to my family that I was indeed a drug addict and that I needed help.  And having the loving family I do they were there for me.  And that lead us to finding Liberty Ranch. I came here totally defiant to everything, wanting to do things for myself.  Since then this place has changed me, and this program has got a hold of me in the two months I have been here. I now understand that I cannot do this alone and that I need a lot of soul searching to find out who I really am. I am here and am very grateful to be here. I thank God everyday for keeping me sober, and am currently in the middle of my journey to find peace and serenity.   

2-22-08

            Hello again, today has been a pretty good day for me. I was sad to see my friend Ramey leave today, but was glad he could go home and see his family at the same time. He really helped me along the way here. As for me I am finally started to put things together inside. I am starting to find peace within.  I was a mess for a very long time, not knowing who I really am or what I am made of. But it is all coming along. I don’t know what changed that with me, but something happened. Maybe I can explain it later down the road when things become a lot clearer. But for now I am very tired and am going to bed, so peace out until next time.

2-23-o8

            Well today has been a very good day. I got a little brother and I am just trying to show him the ropes around here. He is a very cook cat and is catching on real quick. I am just trying to not leave anything out and set him up for success. Because in a way this is my way of kinda helping him get sober. I really haven’t got much to talk about today so I will end it here. Peace out till next time.

2-24-08

            Hello again! Today has been another good day for me. Good ones come along more than the bad ones these days. Used to that’s all I would have was bad days. Counting down the days until it was time for me to get the hell out of here. Now it is a different story. I am really getting nervous because my time will be up here soon and I am just really scared about getting back out there in the real world. I don’t know what it is but I am just scared. But at the same time I am ready to face the world. I am kind of stuck in the middle. But I still got a little bit of time to figure all this stuff out. My little brother is coming along real well. He really does not have a problem with anything around here. That is good, that is the attitude you need to have when you first come in here. The total opposite of what I was when I come walking through theses doors. But he helps me too because I see that I am helping someone and it motivates me through the day. Well that’s it for today, peace out until next time!!!

2-25-08

            Hello once again its me Ryan and I am still a drug addict. Today was a pretty cool day. I had to go to Lexington today to the V.A. hospital for some tests. I suffered a brain injury while overseas and they just needed to run some tests on me. It was cool, I got to get out of the house a little today. I am in a good spot today. I feel good spiritually, physically and emotionally! Have not felt like this in a while. Hope this goes on for a while. My time here is counting down and I am trying to soak as much in as I can. I really miss my family, and can’t wait to get home, but am glad to be here at the same time. I will just see how it goes. I am glad to be alive and glad to be sober. Peace out until next time!!!

2-26-08

            Today was an ok day. I woke up in a good spot, but really tired for some reason. I am still just trying to show my little brother all the ropes around here so I am kind of busy. But staying busy helps me out. Keeps me out of my head.  Really feel the same as I have all week. Really don’t have much to talk about so peace out until next time!!!

2-27-08

            Hello my blog readers!!! Toady I am in kind of a weird spot. I am not in a bad spot but I am not in a good spot either. I just haven not been focused in all day. My mind has been racing. Not on anything bad like drugs or anything, just simple things like what I am going to eat, and four wheelers and stuff. I don’t know why but my mind just has not been here today. Just one of those days I guess.  I’ll pray tonight like I do every night and let God help me with my problems. I am really anxious about leaving here and going home. I really want to see my family and start proving to them that I can be trusted and that I have change. I know that will take time and that it is a steady process, but I am ready to start. I know I still have time left here though and I am still gonna work my ass off while I am here. Well that is about all I have today I am tired as hell and am about to go to bed, so peace out until next time!!!! 

February 20, 2008

            Hello there my name is Luke Perkins and I am an addict. I have been at the liberty ranch for about sixty eight days and I am in a ninety day program. I have learned a lot about myself since I have first enrolled in this program. I have learned what it takes for me to stay sober and is going to work on the twelve steps for the rest of my life.

            So I am going to tell you a little bit about myself. I am from Lexington Kentucky I am twenty one years old. I have been using for three years. I have hurt the people that love and care about me the most. I have a two year old daughter her name is Vera Rain Perkins. What hurts me the most is that while I was using what should have cared for the most seemed like I did not care at all. I was spending all of the money that came into the hands of me and my wife Rachel Perkins faster than I could count it. I was a master manipulator. And would hurt anybody that stood in the way of me and my drugs.

            So I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I knew that I needed help. And the people that I had hurt the most came and rescued me from the wreckage. I enrolled in this program. And sixty days later, I am in a better place now than I have ever been in my life. I can be a good poppa  for my daughter now, I can be a good husband for Rachel, and a good son for my dad Michael. I am very grateful for my sobriety now and can finally live a life.

            FEBUARY 21, 2008

            Hey there again my name is Luke Perkins and I am an addict. Today at the ranch has been a pretty good day we went out to the Danville AA meeting and it was raining. It was about twenty four degrees out side so everything was freezing with a layer of ice over it. It was beautiful. So today has been a good day at the Liberty Ranch.

            FEBUARY 22, 2008

            Hey there again it is Luke Perkins and today went very good we went to Lexington Kentucky Today. We went to Gaiety Town and ate tons of pizza played lots of games and absoulty had a blast! Tomorrow is family group day and I get to see my dad. I am excited to see him. My dad and I are best friends since I enrolled in this program. It is because that I am actually there for him now and not off somewhere getting loaded and that feels good. And hopefully I am going to get my overnight pass tomorrow and I will stay the night over at his house Saturday night. I believe that that is all I have for today so I will speak to you tomorrow> peace..            I

            February 23, 2008

            Today I feel great I am going on a 24 hour pass and going to go spend time with my family. That is an awesome thing about the liberty ranch. You get a 24 hour pass after family group every other weekend… See you later!!!!

            February 24, 2008

            Hey it is me again my name is Luke Perkins and today was a good day I had a great visit with my dad while I was on my overnight pass. I got to see my two year old daughter and my wife who I have been with for four years. I had a great pass. Now it is back to my fourth step in the twelve steps to recovery. I am really getting into this program, I am learning so much about myself and I am more in touch with my feelings. I really feel like a new man. I guess that that is about all that I have to say. So until next time. Have a great day and I will talk to you soon… Thanks.   

            February 25, 2008

            Hey everybody it is the one and only Luke Perkins again and I are here to tell you about my day. Today has been a good here at the liberty ranch. We just got back from the Somerset Kentucky Narcotics Anonymous Meeting. It was a really good meeting I always enjoy this meeting. It is a very spiritual meeting. Everyone is very friendly and welcoming. I got a couple of strikes today. Strikes are something that you get when you leave something out and forget about it. Then for this action you get an essay to write. Essays range from three hundred words to many thousands. So I just have two three hundred words and I can knock them out in about twenty minutes. So with that said I am outa here… peace

February 26, 2008

            Hey everybody this is Luke Perkins and I have had a good day today. Today I went to take the first part to my GED test and I feel like I have done really well at it. I was breezing through it. I was the first one done with it. Not putting myself above any one else. I just got everything in this test. It was very easy I thought. Other than that my day has been pretty good and that is about all that I have to say so peace…

            February 27, 2008

            Hey it is Luke Perkins again and for some reason today I am not very happy I have tried like hell to do the right things but I just cannot seem to stay on track today and for that I feel like I am really screwing up. So I am going to cut this one short today and just end by saying that I am grateful for this program.

            February 28, 2008

            Hey its me again and today has been shitty we all got tones of essays and I am essay monitor so that means that I was on the computer for a couple of hours and that really sucked. So I have started my fourth step and it has brought up some feelings and emotions that I have stuffed away for years. It does not feel good to think about these resentments and how @#$%$# up I am. So with that said I am going to go write my essays. Later

February 29, 2008

            Hey it is me again and I am very tired I almost forgot about bogging tonight and that would not have been a good thing. Today has been pretty stressful and I have had a pretty hard day. It seems like there are two people out to get me. It may just be a figment of my imagation and it may be all in my head but it really seems like they have it out for me. So it just makes it hard for me to work on my recovery when I am being watched by the eagle eye. Well with that said I am going to go to bed thanks.

            March 1, 2008

            Hey it is me again and today has been a pretty good day I am happy that my family is coming over tomorrow and I am looking forward to this very much. So I guess that that is all that I have for today. Bye

            March 2, 2008

            Hey it is Luke Perkins again and I am here spending time with my family right now and I love it. My two year old daughter is here along with my wife Rachel. My daughters name is Vera rain Perkins and she is the best little girl on the planet. So I am going to get off of here and go spend time with my family later.

            March 3, 2008

            Hey I am Luke Perkins and I am an addict. Today was a very hectic day. Two people in this house relapsed and left the house. Statistics say that one of ten people will not have a chance in early sobriety. And we all found that out first hand today. That really sucks that it went down this way. I know that I am going to keep them in my prayers today and for the rest of my life because I know that I will probley not see them for the rest of my life and I just want the best for these two people. I would really like to see these two people back at the house but they made their own decision and that is something that I or nobody else can change. So I know that I have to do this for my self and no body else. My sobriety means a lot to me. So I really need to do this for me. And with that said Im out.

            March 4, 2008

Hey this is Luke Perkins again. Today has been a great day. We just got back from the liberty AA meeting and it was fabulous. I have about 80 days of sobriety and everything just seems to click for me lately. So with that said Im outa here.

            March 5, 2008

            Hey this is Luke Perkins and I have had a pretty good day today. I have found out that I just got my G E D. I am very happy. I have been working on doing this for about five years. I had been procrastinating about it and finally while in my stay here I got it. I thought that I was going to have problems with it and come to find out, it was a very easy test. That there brought up my confidence level to a new mark. And also I have had a good day because everyone in this house was congratulating me for it about all day. It was a real uplifting experience in this house today. So I guess that, that is all that I have to talk about today so thanks for listening to me or actually reading me. Later.

            March 6, 2008

            Hey it is me again Luke Perkins and today has been a good day. Tonight in community group the subject was brought up about how another person in the house had hurt his wife because of his addiction and it really made me think about how I had hurt my Rachel and my Vera and it brought up some feelings of guilt and shame. We talked about it and resolved some issues about the feelings. And I may not have been there for them in the past but at least now I can be there for them in the future and I am very grateful for that. And I am grateful for this program. And how it has helped me in my life. So with that said I am out of here. So see you later.

20 Feb 08:  I took the long road to get here.  It was almost 32 years of hard drinking and drugging.  There is almost no drug I have not done.  I was a medically supervised junkie.  I have done a lot of things to get my dope.  But I am getting ahead of myself.  I married a girl who did not do many drugs and did not drink.  She was small and very pretty.  I had found my dream girl.  All I had to do was to get her to drink and drug like me and my friends.  Well it did not take long for her to be drugging like the rest of us.  I had a prodigious tolerance for all kinds of drugs and drink. We moved in together and that began a downward spiral that eventually caused us the loss of our house, all our possession and our self respect.

            My family did for me what I could not do myself.  When we moved to North Carolina we thought we were not hurting anyone but my family suffered greatly.  Rina, my wife on twenty years was arrested and I could not get her out of the County Jail.  My family assembled and whisked in into treatment.  I went with the attitude “I’ll show you!”  But since I have been her I really like the way I feel and act.  At present she is still out using and I have had a hard time accepting it but I can not worry about her yet.  I need to worry about me.  If this seems harsh, so what I can not afford to go back out. I need to stay sober.  I hope our paths cross again but at this point it does not look like it will.  We will have to see what God has in store.  I hope she gets sober because I do love her.

21 Feb 08:  Today sucked.  I have been in my head and am dealing with a problem about my wife.  She has gotten herself in trouble and I have to stay away and watch her put her life on self destruct.  I am having a problem giving it over to God and leaving him keep it.  I am working on this it may take some time.

22 Feb 08:  The things with my wife still weights on my mind.  It is not easy to see your loved ones go down the drain like this.  There is always something you can do pervades my thinking.  I know that this is not good for me.  We took Ramey back to the airport.  I feel like I lost a brother.  It will be hard for me to adjust.  I know I must and that can only happen by talking to other people in the house.

23 Feb 08:  I got up today with a case of the “screw it’s”.  I knew that this is a dangerous place for me.  I talked about it at breakfast.  I talked about it to the manager.  I did not sit in my own shit.  I took some contrary action and things are starting to change.

24 Feb 08:  Today is Sunday and the day of rest.  I have taken advantage of this.  We were watching a movie after breakfast and I started to get tired so I took a nap.  It did not help.  I was still tired.  I am reminded of something we said all the time in the Army, “The only easy day was yesterday.”  I was reminded of it but it did not comfort me very much.  This morning I had an issue that was bugging the shit of me and I brought it to the group at breakfast.  This is contrary action for me and I received some good feedback. I have already implemented it into my prayers.  Hopefully it will yield the expected results.

25 Feb 08:  Today is my 4^th month clean and sober.  That is four months all in a row.  It has been over thirty years since I can say that I have had that much clean time.  I never would have believed that I could have lived without the pain pills but I sure am glad that I do not have to take them everyday.  I am tired a hell and as soon as I am done this blog I am turning in and getting some sleep.  I was the person in charge last night and I had to stay up until midnight.  This place is still hard on me physically.  But what does not kill me can only make me stronger.

26 Feb 08:  Today was another one of those days that I had the “screw its”.  I do not know why I get this was only that I do.  But I was asked by the new chef to help out in the kitchen.  So I helped out in the kitchen and before I knew it my whole mood had changed.  It is funny how just a little thing can change you whole attitude on life.

27 Feb 08:  I had another great day today.  Since the attitude change last night I have had a new outlook on things.  I had a great talk with my Mom it has been years since we talked and the talks now are about real things not just the sports, weather and news.  I just hope that my attitude does not change back to the “screw its”.  I have been working on the fourth step.  My sponsor is really interested in going over it with me.  I have been working on it in all my spare time and just have some (about 30) more fears to inventory.  He told me to put it down tonight and spend some quite time.  That is what I am going to do now.

28 Feb 08:  This will probably be my entry for a while.  Today, sometime we will go over my half status proposal.  I had to write a cop list and the first time the cop list was not good enough.  This time is different.  I will end up with major words over it and have to go on reflections.  But I have dropped my fourth step and it feels real good to be done that.  I am going to call my sponsor when I am finished blogging and find out when we are going to get together to go over it.

29 Feb 08:  Reflections

1 Mar 08:  Reflections

2 Mar 08:  Reflections

3 Mar 08:  I have not been able to blog because I have been on reflections.  I was given thirty thousand words because I applied for my half status and had to do a cop list.  But I worked real hard and busted out the words.  I also went with my sponsor Sunday and dropped my fifth step.  When I returned I reviewed what I had done for an hour like it says in the big book and dropped my sixth and seven steps.  I am now on my eighth step I have to make a list of people I need to make amends to and my sponsor wants to see it.  I am waiting a day before I do this because I need time to process the events of Sunday.

4 Mar 08:  Today the house is much different because two girls left and we got three new girls and a guy.  I found out that my selfishness keeps me in a shell.  To counteract that character defect the management has found it necessary for me to have a little sister.  She is from where I was born and seems to be a handful.  I think I am going to have a rough two weeks.  I just got off reflections and I need to have a heart to heart with her.  So I must go.

5 Mar 08:  I am in the full swing of my little sister.  I have to stay on top of her because she is going to cost me writer’s cramp with all the words I will have to write over her strikes.  But this is to help get me out of my head and not be so selfish.  At least the words are not bothering me.  I have been in a good spot since last week.  I do not know why but in talking with my sponsor tonight he said that all my days can be like this depending on the maintenance of my spiritual condition.  I am looking forward to my Mom and brother’s visit this weekend.  I will finally get a 48 hours pass.  I need it.  Well I need to check on my little sister before I go to bed.  Good night.

Feb 20

Hello there. My name is bear and I am an alcoholic. You know, I am not sure what I am suppose to do on this thing. But I will tell a little bit about myself. I have been here the longest. I have been here and sobor since October 4^th 2007. i came in on my birthday. So basicly I have a double birthday right there. I am an diehard fan of death metal and doom metal. I play guitar bass drums. And yeah. I am 18 years old. I have been using for 10 years, so pretty much most of my life. I do not think I ever really used habitually until I was 12. I have been in 4 different rehabs. Once when I was 16, two when I was 17 and I came here too the ranch on my 18^th birthday. I really have tried to quit before. But it was just brief recovery followed by a still worse relapse like the big book tells us. This is the only place that ever seemed to work at all. And belive me. IT WORKS!! Shit my pizza is done. I got to go. Peace!

Feb 29

Hello there. Yeah, I have been on reflections for a while and I forgot to blog the past few days. I got my half status approved, but my cops list ended me up with a good 30 grand of words. I am really tired right now. I want to go to bed but I am work co-ordinator while to original w.c. is on reflections. I am kind of like the second string w.c. yeah man. I also started on my 8^th step here recently. Wich that is where you make a list of people you have harmed and became willing to  make amends to them all. Then step 9 is where you go around making those amends. I will kinda be like that there guy from my name is earl. Well but that is pretty much all that is goinf on with me. So there for I have came to believe that is all I got. Peace!